In BDSM, there has always been a battle that every person, has had to deal with. That battle is between the philosophy vs. the psychology of the lifestyle.
The psychology is the personal aspect of BDSM and the impact on an individual person. Whereas philosophy is the reality of the lifestyle. Think of it this way. If as a Dominant you expect your submissive to be nake in the house at all times. Psychologically, you could see that working. Yet, philosophically you realize that there are times where your submissive should be clothed.
The ideas behind the psychology of BDSM are originally what drew me to the lifestyle. Over time though I learned that the philosophy was actually more important than the psychology of the lifestyle. As a young Dominant, I had delusions of grandeur. I had dreams of a polyamorous relationship where I had a harem of submissives and would have all these submissives at my beck and call. Over time though I realized that the thought of it was what made me enjoy it. Where in practice I know for a fact that I couldn’t please more than a few women at a time.
(Note: I am still a dork and would enjoy a harem, but I realize that it is a fantasy at this point)
A person’s thoughts on what works in the lifestyle change as they truly start to understand the philosophy of the lifestyle. The psychology of the lifestyle says, me and mine. I take what I want as a Dominant. The philosophy says your partner is human and should be treated as such first then add the fun aspects of things.
I can’t tell you how many times I have thought about fantasies that I have had and wanted to make them a reality. Yet, in reality, I know that those thoughts may never come to fruition.
We as the human race have always had issues with this inner battle we have. Which crosses over from our normal lives into every aspect of who we are. From our beliefs and interests to how we act and let others perceive us.
When I was just getting started in the lifestyle I was naive like everyone else. I thought I knew everything. Which of course I didn’t Over the years I have learned to be humble and I had to take a look at the psychology of BDSM and the philosophy of it as well in order to understand myself better.
Life has its ups and downs. We all go through things. You and your partner may be on different pages. Heck, you may not even be in the same book sometimes. That is where this thought process came from for me.
I have spent a lot of time trying to build relationships with previous partners in order to try and keep everything kosher. Only to realize that my psychology behind the lifestyle isn’t the same as others. Only then did I look at the philosophy and realize that the philosophy is something we can all agree upon. In the philosophy of the lifestyle, we have the tenents and the laws of BDSM so to speak.
The psychology of the lifestyle has all of our own personal beliefs and thoughts on the lifestyle. Which are not always understood by everyone. For instance, some people are into water sports or Master/slave relationships. Others not so much. This is where BDSM becomes more personal. This is where the thought that BDSM is different for everyone comes in.
The philosophy of it is the premise of the lifestyle. It gives us the guidelines and helps lead us into what aspects we as individuals click with.
So, my question is to all of you. Do you feel the same way I do? Do you understand things the same way? Or am I just crazy? I would like to hear your perspectives on this topic.