There have been a lot of things going on in my life as of late. Such as being with an amazing partner who understands me and supports me. We are getting ready to move to a new place and on top of that. Some other amazing things.
Yesterday she had a doctor’s appointment which I attended. We have known for a little while but we wanted a confirmation from the doctors. We went in for an ultrasound.
As a guy, I can’t tell you the words to express how stressed and freaked out I am, about her being pregnant. Nor can I convey with words, the feeling of hope and love I have for her and our child.
Yesterday, I got to hear the most amazing sound that brought tears of joy. Tears of hope. Even now thinking about it I am tearing up. I got to hear my baby’s heartbeat. Which shook me to my core.
All at once, I felt emotions I haven’t felt since I was a child. I am so happy and thankful for this to of happened. Being, the oldest in my family. I felt that I would be the first to have kids and, I would end up being the first to start a family but wasn’t due to reasons I can’t explain. I am in no way blaming my previous partners.
Yet, there is something I feel I do need to say that not many people understand when it comes to pregnancy, especially men.
Looking at everything a woman goes through during pregnancy. There is no way in the world where a woman isn’t the most mentally, emotionally, and physically strong being in the world. They are going through so much from hormones, emotions, pain, growth, stress of all kinds.
The woman is protecting and helping the baby inside her growing. She is giving of herself so that the miracle inside her can grow.
She may be tired, stressed, overwhelmed, drained, and running on her last straw but in the end, she is doing so much to make the life inside her grow. She takes all of this on along with her daily life, from work and dealing with the garbage that happens there to taking care of her partner. This blows my mind at her ability to give of herself even when she thinks she has nothing left.
I look at my partner, the mother of my child and all I can do is look at her in awe and try not to give her the stupid “I love you” look which of course right now agitates the hell out of her right now. She is beautiful and she is making something even more beautiful that is half of each of us. She may be going through so many things but, all I can do is love her.
She may hate me now and then. She may get mad at me for being so caring or trying to be there for her that it annoys her. Yet, I will still be right there if she needs me because it is all I can do at this point. She is giving of herself and I will give of myself as often and whenever I can to support her. Not only while she carries our child but after as well.
She is the mother of my child and it means the world to me that she is. She blows my mind every day with her inner strength to put up with people treating her like crap due to her age or work or any other reasons that they choose to think that they know better.
I never thought that I would feel joy again. I never thought that I would feel my life shatter and fall right back into place all at once. Just hearing the heartbeat of our baby. Or looking into your eyes as we sat in that doctor’s office.
So, to her I say. I love you and thank you for everything you have done and are doing for us. Bringing this life into the world is a miracle and it’s crazy. It is scary and amazing. It is terrifying and joyous at the same time. So, thank you and I love you so much.