Negotiation

When you get into the lifestyle and you find someone who you are willing to play with, and that person is willing to play with you. You have to take time and negotiate with them on what they want and what the plan is for the scene, along with safewords.

As a Dominant, my job is to make sure that my partner feels safe in my hands at all times. This could be anything from meeting at a public place before any form of play is discussed. Or meeting at a local event and getting to know each other.

The main key here is to actually know what you are talking about. Don’t say you have Dominated all these people and have this many years of rope work knowledge when you have only ever tied up one person once.

Both parties have to be open and honest. You both have to work together in finding what you both want from a scene. Take the time to get to know the person. Learn about what they like and build upon that.

In this aspect of things. You will find out if you both click. Making sure that you negotiate prior to the scene is key. Building a level of trust and respect can mean that they are willing to play with you more often.

I can’t count how many times I have heard from a submissive that the Dominant has made a choice that something would happen without the submissives consent. Even if the Dominant gave them aftercare after everything was over.

I will say this once and only one IF THE SUBMISSIVE DOESN’T HAVE THE ABILITY TO CONSENT IT IS ABUSE!!! Get your head out of your ass. NOTHING HAPPENS WITHOUT THE CONSENT OF THE SUBMISSIVE!!

You are not some all knowing all badass Dominant that has the ability do whatever you want whenever you want. The submissive dictates what you can and can’t do. They hold the power and choose to give it over to you out of respect and trust.

Now that that is out of the way. COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR PARTNER! Without it, you don’t have a partner to play with.

Realize that your partner is human and can also have things happen in a scene that can make them feel like they are in different head spaces. Or not pay attention during a scene. Due to enjoying it or being is some form of subspace. Check in on them during the scene and always keep their safety in mind.

In closing, negotiation can be an ongoing thing. Or it can be an all-encompassing negotiation. Never assume that it is an overall negotiation though. Always communicate.